Sunday, June 29, 2014

When Life Knocks You On Your Ass...

Please forgive the frankness of this post. I've dreaded writing it, but feel I must. I'm telling our story here and this is part of it.

Since my last update Darran and I had been working out little tails off. We hauled the wind tower and other necessities up to the house spot. We plowed, disked (disced? how does one even spell that?), hauled manure, and built a fence like Fort Knox around the garden. I did my best keeping all the bazillion plants alive in the greenhouse while they awaited planting. We worked on plans for the house and began pricing things like permits and concrete for the basement. All the while working to keep an income flow to finance this adventure.

And then... Darran's family pulled the plug. 

You see, we had been given permission to build on a remote portion of Darran's family ranch. I am not sure if I'd shared that here previously. Anyway, after six months of working our butts off they decided that perhaps we would bother the hunters that pay to hunt at the ranch every year.

So, we're out. Just like that.

This was a few weeks ago. I've gone from feeling bone-crushing sadness, to feeling numb and lost, to eating my feelings (old habits die hard), to being extremely angry and wanting to do childish things like plant "Fuck You" in dandelion seeds at the spot our garden was to be... 

My heart is broken, but my spirit, my determination, my drive, my hope, my dreams... they are miraculously intact.

Life has very much so knocked us on our asses. We are still working on brushing ourselves off and standing back up. I realize this is all pretty personal stuff and I'm trying not to totally over-share here, but I don't want to abandon this blog (or the dreams it's drenched in) and so I'm keeping it real.

Where now? 

Well, we planted most of the plants from the greenhouse here (much later than we should have). We are thankful that we did not sell this house as we had been very close to doing and we are thankful that we hadn't spent more money on things out there (we were so close to digging the basement and pouring concrete). 

We're also house hunting in Idaho and Montana. We are thinking it may be time for our little family to branch out on our own.

Dreams do come true. I still believe that and I'm sort of clinging to it right now.


  1. Onward, Kerri. Safe travels and what stops you now will be a stepping stone to something better. Sorry to hear but Kudos for not making "stew" and getting to where and what you want. :)

  2. Oh no, Kerri!! I'm so sorry things didn't work out. I have no doubt you guys will make this work, even if it happens to be somewhere else. xoxo

  3. I am sad to know this, and truly believe you will create your dream.

  4. Kerri, I am so sad for you and Darren and the kids. But know that you will build an even better life somewhere else. Hugs, xo Tamara

  5. WOW Kerri, I cannot imagine how you're feeling right now. I am so sad for you and your family. I know things will work out and they just take time. Everything happens for a reason and I can't wait to see what amazing things are in store for your family. Sending positive thoughts and energy your way:)

  6. hugs just hugs.
    I cant imagine what Id want to hear in this situation so I wont dare imagine I know what you do either.


  7. Hi Kerri: My sister is nicer than I as my comment is that your in-laws don't deserve to have you, their son, and grandchildren close to you after this. I hope you find the perfect place that allows you to pursue your dream. Meantime, send a bill to your in-laws for the work you did.

  8. Montana is a great place to start new! ;)

  9. This really sucks! Ugh! No matter! You and your husband will find a way to make this dream a reality. The idea of a new place sounds very exciting. Sometimes the things that don't happen just mean there is something MUCH better ahead! {{{Hugs}}}

    1. Thanks Patty! You're absolutely right. ;)