Sunday, June 29, 2014

When Life Knocks You On Your Ass...

Please forgive the frankness of this post. I've dreaded writing it, but feel I must. I'm telling our story here and this is part of it.

Since my last update Darran and I had been working out little tails off. We hauled the wind tower and other necessities up to the house spot. We plowed, disked (disced? how does one even spell that?), hauled manure, and built a fence like Fort Knox around the garden. I did my best keeping all the bazillion plants alive in the greenhouse while they awaited planting. We worked on plans for the house and began pricing things like permits and concrete for the basement. All the while working to keep an income flow to finance this adventure.

And then... Darran's family pulled the plug. 

You see, we had been given permission to build on a remote portion of Darran's family ranch. I am not sure if I'd shared that here previously. Anyway, after six months of working our butts off they decided that perhaps we would bother the hunters that pay to hunt at the ranch every year.

So, we're out. Just like that.

This was a few weeks ago. I've gone from feeling bone-crushing sadness, to feeling numb and lost, to eating my feelings (old habits die hard), to being extremely angry and wanting to do childish things like plant "Fuck You" in dandelion seeds at the spot our garden was to be... 

My heart is broken, but my spirit, my determination, my drive, my hope, my dreams... they are miraculously intact.

Life has very much so knocked us on our asses. We are still working on brushing ourselves off and standing back up. I realize this is all pretty personal stuff and I'm trying not to totally over-share here, but I don't want to abandon this blog (or the dreams it's drenched in) and so I'm keeping it real.

Where now? 

Well, we planted most of the plants from the greenhouse here (much later than we should have). We are thankful that we did not sell this house as we had been very close to doing and we are thankful that we hadn't spent more money on things out there (we were so close to digging the basement and pouring concrete). 

We're also house hunting in Idaho and Montana. We are thinking it may be time for our little family to branch out on our own.

Dreams do come true. I still believe that and I'm sort of clinging to it right now.